I think I may have exhausted my ability to remain upright. I would like to take 3 more Excedrin Migraine and knock this remaining little center of pain out of my neck, but since I'm already suffering from lightheadedness, sweats, nausea, and other unpleasantness associated with caffeine overload...

I have an appointment with my counselor tomorrow, and I have got to get to the pharmacy and get more diazepam tomorrow morning, because otherwise I won't be able to finish my War research paper for Thursday.

I'm not deluded enough to think that's going to be easy to begin with, but I do have a start on it, and I think if I can get a couple more general paragraphs written later tonight so I have clear idea of the flow, it'll be easy to work on expanding it tomorrow. I totally missed how we were supposed to do citations, so I'm going to go with endnotes. That will be easiest for me, and I also happen to think it makes the most sense.

Yeah, I should already be lying down and not sitting here babbling. I'm just trying to decide whether to take reading material with me and, if so, what. There's still plenty that could be useful in this very interesting Beyond Westphalia book, but I probably ought to get the rest of my thoughts about the intervention/sovereignty thing down on paper before I read any more and begin meandering away from the immediate question. Again. My paper is supposed to address the question of whether the world is moving beyond the concept of state sovereignty, and I thought that it would be good to look at that through the lens of the humanitarian intervention issue. Well, that's fine, but there are so damn many people saying so damn many things about humanitarian intervention that I keep finding myself pondering critiques that do relate to the issue of sovereignty, but aren't directly relevant to my question.

OK. Let's leave aside how pathetic I am for a second. I have good news: I am finally officially registered for English 665 (British Literature Since 1900) with Prof. Renk in the fall. Apparently I misunderstood the procedure; it was the graduate school that had to put me into the class, and I have no idea what all that meant they needed to do, but I guess it was a lot more complicated or at least more time-consuming than just having someone tell the system I was okay. Phew. I'm not sure I want to go through this all again, but I'm sure when the spring courses are up online, I'll be checking for another interesting grad class. Assuming that I survive the fall semester, anyway.

And, believe me, I realize that I need to work on developing what Ben Gordon calls "self-care" skills over the summer. Getting out of the house more often, especially to study. Well, read, I suppose, during the summer, and perhaps do some writing. Exercising more regularly. Work with the folks at BG to try to find something that might help me sleep without all the wacky dreams. I can be really stubborn and stupid, but I know very well that I will not make it through another year of school and get my damned degree unless I do what I can to make things easier for myself. Another year like this semester? [Shakes her head.] Of course, I should be off academic probation after this semester, which means that if I really get into trouble, I'll have options other than persisting unto collapse or withdrawing from the university.

And let's not forget that I have all the grad school crap to take care of during the fall semester, too.

This is an improvement, I guess. I feel ridiculous and guilty and broken, but not utterly hopeless.